“Dipper, remember when Mom and Dad made you take piano lessons and you hated it because you really just wanted to play the tuba?” asks Mabel.

“Uh, n-no,” stammers Dipper, eyes darting back and forth as he clears his throat.

“This is just like that!” she says. “We can’t force this wizard—what’s your name again?”

“Magnarfus the Magnificent,” says the wizard.

“Whatever,” says Mabel. “We can’t force Muffin-Pants the Mysterious to be something he’s not. He’s a caged bird. He longs to fly free!”

“You realize I’m an adult and can make my own decisions, right?” says Magnarfus.

“Well, I guess we better go back to the king and tell him we failed,” says Blendin.

“Oh, no, no, no! You can’t go back to the king without me,” says the wizard. “He’ll throw you in the dungeon for the rest of your lives!”

“But life is so long! And I was just starting to hit my stride,” says Dipper.

“And now we’ll never find the Time Pirates’ Treasure!” adds Mabel.

“Here, come with me and help me escape,” says the wizard. “I can’t give you this so-called Time Pirates’ Treasure, but I’ll make it worth your while!”

“A vague promise from an unreliable wizard? Count me in!” says Mabel.

The wizard empties a cabinet full of potions into a bag and opens a door at the back of the room.

“This way will lead us out of the castle,” he says. The wizard takes a deep breath and looks around at his workshop. His desk, his chair. His cage filled with live toads. “So many memories,” he sighs. “Well, time to blow up this place for the insurance money.” He takes a potion from his bag, pulls the cork from the bottle with his teeth, and rolls it into the chamber like a hand grenade. “RUN!” he yells as he sprints away from the workshop.

The whole gang is booking it down the passageway and up a winding staircase when—

BOOM!

The workshop explodes behind them.

There’s a brilliant flash of light, and a wall of rainbow flames chases them.

They run as fast as they can up the stairs and leap out a castle window into the sky as a fireball shoots out behind them. They fall and land in a shallow moat of brackish water.

“Ow, I think I hurt my everything,” says Mabel.

“Me too,” says Dipper.

“I’m all right. But my jumpsuit is filled with frogs now,” says Blendin as he unzips his jumpsuit, letting them spill out.

The gang swims to the shore.

The wizard coughs and waves his wand. “Everybodius Dryus!” he says, and the gang immediately dries off. Mabel’s hair also now has a perm.

“Oooh, I am loving this,” she says.

“Thank you so much for helping me escape,” says the wizard. “I know you’ve come here in search of something, and that helping me has now made that dream impossible. So I’d like to offer you a reward as just compensation.”

“Ooooh, yes!” says Blendin. “Daddy wants some time treats!”

“I have here two potions,” says the wizard. “One will give you the power to turn anything to gold. The other will give you eternal youth. Either can be yours. Choose wisely.”

The group huddles together.

“Which one do we pick?” asks Dipper.

ETERNAL YOUTH: GO HERE GOLD POTION: GO HERE