“Well, Mabel…there’s only one choice left,” says Dipper. He points the laser blaster. “Run! I’ll cover us!”

The lawmen see the laser blaster and dive for cover.

“What in blazes?” one screams.

“He has some sort of pocket cannon!” screams another.

“Who—who are you?” asks the sheriff.

“Let the papers come up with a name!” shouts Mabel. “Yeee-haw!” She and Dipper flee on their horses.

Blendin runs after them and trips. Lawmen seize him.

Dipper digs his spurs into his steed, and he and Mabel ride off amid a storm of gun smoke. Across the dusty plain and past the creosote bushes, they speed into the red rock canyons surrounding the open plain.

“It looks like we’ve lost the lawmen,” says Mabel.

“Yeah, but for how long?” asks Dipper.

Days and nights pass as Dipper and Mabel continue their run from the law, eating berries by day and singing cowboy songs in the firelight by night. Dipper teaches himself to whittle. Mabel makes a sweater out of tumbleweeds.

Finally, their hunger gets the better of them, and they decide to sneak into town. On the way, they pass a stranger.

“Hi,” says Dipper, “is this the road to Calamity Junction?”

The lonesome cowpoke takes one look at Dipper and the color drains from his face. “Here, take my horse! Take whatever you want! Just don’t hurt me!” he says.

The stranger runs into the hills.

“Hmmm, that was weird,” mutters Dipper.

“Maybe this guy can help,” says Mabel, turning to another passerby. “Hi, excuse me!”

The man drops his satchel and runs, shouting, “Aaah, it’s them! The Calamity Brothers! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!”

“Who? Where? What is going on here?” asks Mabel.

“Mabel, you won’t believe it!” says Dipper. He points to a tree with a poster nailed to it. The poster features a drawing of the twins in their fake mustaches. The caption reads:

“Wait…the Calamity Brothers? Those famous outlaws Blendin told us about? They think that’s us?” asks Mabel.

“Oh, no way!” exclaims Dipper. “Mabel, do you realize what’s happened? We are the Calamity Brothers. They never existed on their own. The legend was about us all along!”

“Whoa!” whispers Mabel. “So what do we do now?”

Dipper scratches his chin. “I dunno. We already have a reputation. And a bunch of people just gave us free stuff ’cause they thought we were criminals. There’s no way to get Blendin’s treasure now. Wanna live out the rest of our lives as bandits? According to legend, we become millionaires!”

“Uh, yeah! That sounds amazing!” Mabel says, high-fiving Dipper. “Hey, look, there’s another rube coming up the road!” says Mabel. “Let’s go jack his stuff!”

“I call his spittoon!” yells Dipper as they ride off to shake down the stranger.

And so begins the rest of their lives as bandits: telling tales, going on adventures, walking a path of gold teeth and golden opportunities. The sunset is their home, the jackrabbits are their friends, and according to some folk songs, Mabel tames and learns how to ride a bear.

Though for them it’s only the beginning, dear reader, for you this is…

THE END.