“The future!” exclaims Mabel. “I want to buy a Hug-Bot! And see how extreme snack flavors become in a thousand years!”

“I don’t know, Mabel,” Dipper says. “The last time we went to the future, we were pitted to the death against time convicts and almost eaten by a thousand-foot baby.”

“His name is Time Baby, for your information!” Blendin snaps. “And he rules humanity with a chubby, baby-soft fist! But he’s not much worse than any other politician, honestly. Except for when he has his tantrums.”

“Less yapping, more zapping!” says Mabel. “Let’s go get that Time Key!”

Blendin takes out his time tape and pulls.

In an instant, the world around them warps into hyperspeed. Trees grow in fast motion. Clouds whip by in a blur. Cities rise and fall. Blendin’s silly haircut flaps in the space-time breeze, then, suddenly—

THUD.

Dipper, Mabel, and Blendin land on a grungy street in the year 20705. The twins gaze around in wonder at the unrecognizable world. Buildings rise ominously into a perpetually dark sky as strange inhabitants whiz by using jetpacks and hover buggies. Time Baby’s face is projected everywhere.

“Now, listen,” says Blendin, donning a cloak. “The mission we’re on isn’t exactly sanctioned by the Time Anomaly Removal Crew, so we need to be in disguise. You should try to conceal yourselves.”

Dipper turns his hat backward. Mabel pulls the collar of her sweater over her head. Blendin nods in approval and leads them down the street.

“Finding this key won’t be easy,” says Blendin. “Time Pirates are a ruthless and bloodthirsty bunch and would sooner be chrono-blasted than give up their secrets. They also wear really awesome hats and have cool catchphrases like ‘shiver me time-bers’ and ‘clock the plank.’”

“You sure know a lot about Time Pirates,” says Mabel. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you wanted to be one!”

Blendin swivels around and turns bright red, stammering defensively. “M-me? Never! Those self-righteous watchbucklers are jerks with no regard for time laws! And they say really hurtful things sometimes!”

“Yikes, sore subject,” mutters Mabel.

“Listen up,” Blendin says. “The good news is two Time Pirates have been captured in this city: Davy Time-Jones, Scourge of the Seven Time Zones, and a madman known as Dos Hunthou. One of them might trade information about the key for his freedom. Then the treasure is ours!”

“A prison break!” exclaims Mabel. “Grunkle Stan’s told us about those! Sounds fun!”

“Not exactly,” says Blendin. “Davy Time-Jones is locked in the Infinitentiary, the most impenetrable prison of all time.” Blendin gestures to a massive hovering complex shaped like a sideways figure eight. It swarms with security droids. “And Dos Hunthou has become an indentured servant to a wealthy space racer. In order to free him, we’d have to win a treacherous space race—which might sound fun, but moving quickly makes me dizzy and I have a fear of checkered flags. Plus, most of the racers die.”

Dipper and Mabel look at each other.

What a difficult decision!

FUTURE PRISON BREAK: GO HERE SPACE RACE: GO HERE