“Okay, okay, I know this sounds crazy,” Dipper tells the king, “but I’m not super into getting married, and you really want someone to marry your daughter, so what if I find a replacement suitor? Like a totally eligible bachelor who could really use the romance connection, and then you can marry your daughter to him and we can go on our way!”

The king strokes his beard. “How long will this process take?”

“Literally a second!” says Dipper. He grabs the time tape out of Blendin’s hand, pulls it, and whooshes out of sight. Exactly one second later, with a triumphant flash of light, Dipper returns with a familiar bachelor.

“Hey! Get your hands off me, dork!” says Robbie, stumbling to the ground. “What? Where are we? Is this Amish country or something?”

“You are in my court, young squire, here to marry my daughter!” says the king.

Robbie looks at Dipper. “Is he for real?”

Dipper nods.

“Score!” says Robbie with a fist pump. “A dark Gothic castle. Royalty. A pretty maiden—wait, she’s pretty, right?”

The king claps his hands, and out walks a redheaded girl. “I present to you my daughter, Wendinella!” says the king.

She looks exactly like Wendy.

“’Sup, dude?” she says.

Robbie pumps his fist again. Then he grabs a lute from a squire and plucks out a melody.

“Dude, you play the lute? No way!” says Wendinella. “I’ve always wanted to date a musician.”

“Well, now you get to marry one, baby,” says Robbie with a smirk.

Wendinella bats her eyelashes at him.

Dipper smacks himself in the face.

“Ha! Bet you wish you didn’t make that choice!” says Mabel.

“We can go back and undo this, right?” says Dipper. “Hey, where’s the time tape?” Dipper sees that Robbie has grabbed the time tape and is spinning it on his finger.

“Guess you won’t need this anymore!” says Robbie, chucking it on the ground and shattering it into a hundred tiny pieces. “Hey, what are you three slave-dorks looking at? To my stables! Go find me the blackest, gothiest horse and start grooming it!”

The twins and Blendin realize that they can’t argue with the newly crowned King Robbie.

For them, it looks like this is…

THE END.