“I’ll do it!” shouts Dipper as he wrests himself free from Wild Eyes Joe’s grip. “Just leave my friends and me alone! And stop drooling so much,” he adds. “Spittoons are basically, like, everywhere, man. Just use ’em.”

Wild Eyes Joe smirks. “Well, maybe you’re not such a coward after all!” He spits at one of the pots and misses, then drags Dipper outside into the dusty town square.

The rustle of people coming and going fades out as the townsfolk scurry inside buildings, dive behind horses, and hide in barrels. Vultures begin circling overhead.

Mabel squints her eyes and raises her hand to her face like a visor. “Man, the sun sure is high in the sky at noon,” she says. “Wait a minute….” Mabel points a finger at the sun. “Ha-ha! I get what you’re doing there, sun!”

Wild Eyes Joe draws a line in the sand with his foot and says, “Duelin’ rules are simple. Start here, walk about forty paces, then DRAW!”

“About forty paces?” asks Dipper. “Shouldn’t we have an exact number?”

“Hey, boys, Copernicus here wants an exact number!” shouts Wild Eyes Joe, with a hearty laugh.

“Who’s Copernicus?” asks one squeaky-voiced toothless outlaw.

Without blinking, Wild Eyes Joe whips out his weapon and shoots at the outlaw, barely missing him as he ducks behind a water trough. Everyone hushes.

“ANY MORE SMART-GUY QUESTIONS?” shouts Wild Eyes Joe.

Dipper gulps. “Uhhh, one, actually,” he says. “I, uh…don’t have a weapon.”

“You don’t have a weapon?” says Wild Eyes Joe. “This is the West! Even babies have weapons out here! In fact, they’re required to by law!”

Dipper opens his mouth, but Blendin pulls him aside out of earshot of the townsfolk.

“Look, I brought two laser blasters from the future, remember?” Blendin whispers. “Just use one of them!”

“That’s great!” says Dipper. “I was, uh, really not looking forward to killing anyone.”

“There’s only one problem,” says Blendin. “The blasters got pretty banged up from traveling, so…one might be a bit unstable now. Oops.”

“How can you possibly be this bad at your job, Blendin?” asks Dipper.

“It took a lot of time and practice!” says Blendin with a smile.

Dipper takes a look at the two blasters in Blendin’s hands.

Which blaster should Dipper use?

THE LONG AND SKINNY BLASTER: GO HERE THE SHORT AND FAT BLASTER: GO HERE