Dipper chooses the short and fat blaster.

“I’ve got a good feeling about this particular mystery death ray,” he says, whirling it around his finger.

The sun is high in the sky.

The dry wind blows across the dusty street.

Dipper and Wild Eyes Joe begin their walk.

“One…two…three…” says Wild Eyes Joe.

Dipper wipes the sweat from his brow.

“Eleven…twelve…thirteen…” continues Wild Eyes Joe, whose spurs jangle with each step.

Dipper takes a deep breath.

“Fourteen…fourteen…What comes after fourteen? Aw, forget it. Eat lead!” shouts Wild Eyes Joe. He draws his weapon and shoots early.

Dipper ducks, wondering if he’s already dead, but he realizes that Wild Eyes Joe missed. Smoke billows from a hole in Dipper’s cowboy hat.

“What?” screams Wild Eyes Joe. “I never miss! Dangit, you’re way too short for me to properly judge perspective at a distance. How far away are you, exactly?”

Dipper fumbles with his blaster. He pulls the trigger and—

WHOOOOOOOSH!

An enormous ball of glowing blue light surges from the tip of the blaster—straight into the dirt.

People in the town dive to the ground to shield themselves. Others run away from the sparking crater in the street. Shopkeeper Sprott flees his store in terror, screaming, “Hark! He is a destroyer of worlds! A smith of chaos! Runneth! Runneth if you can!”

Wild Eyes Joe’s jaw drops, and his eyes go about as wild as his name would suggest. His weapon disintegrates in his hand. His lip trembles as he looks up at Dipper, then down at his singed chaps. He spins around and runs off with his bandit friends like a coward.

“Wait! Don’t go!” Dipper yells to Wild Eyes Joe, handing off the blaster to Blendin. Dipper trips and nosedives into the crater.

“He’s running away scared, Dipper!” says Mabel. “You won!”

“Yeah, but he has the Time Key we need!” says Dipper, standing and dusting himself off.

“Oh, yeah,” says Mabel. “The Time Key. Totally forgot about that. What do we do now?”

Shopkeeper Sprott approaches them. “Well, I reckon it’s time I come clean,” he says. “I knew that convict there didn’t have the key on account of I had it all along! I was just hoping I could convince y’all to scare him off so he’d quit hasslin’ my customers and spittin’ in my feed bags. And sure enough, you got rid of him, so here you go.”

Shopkeeper Sprott presents Dipper, Mabel, and Blendin with the Time Key, which glistens like gold in the sunlight.

Mabel bites it. “Yup, it’s a Time Key all right!” she says, beaming. “Now we can get the Time Pirates’ Treasure!”

“This is awesome,” says Dipper. “I mean, I don’t feel great about being used, but thanks!”

“’Twas nothing. And on account of the good deed you’ve done, I’ll forget I ever saw that witchcraft you committed,” he says with a smile. “But don’t push me.” His smile fades. “Don’t you dare. Push. Me.”

“This is perfect, you guys,” says Dipper. “You ready to finish our adventure and get that treasure?”

“I sure am!” says Blendin. “Let’s ditch these dowdy outfits. I’m ready to trade in this cowboy hat for a crown.” He sheds his hat and vest.

“And I’m ready to bedazzle both your faces with diamonds!” says Mabel, ditching her hat and vest, too.

Dipper shrugs. “Well, I don’t want to be the only one dressed as a cowboy,” he says, taking off his Old Western attire as well.

“Oooh, I’m so excited!” says Blendin. “My knees only shake this much when I think I’m going to be very rich very soon!” He motions to his jittering knees.

Mabel pokes one with a stick. It stops. She removes the stick and it starts shaking again. She does this several more times before Blendin knocks the stick from her hand.

Blendin produces the time tape from his jumpsuit and holds the Time Key firmly in his other hand.

The twins grab hold of the time tape together.

“Where we’re going is very special,” says Blendin. “It’s not a time or a space but rather a place between time and space. Our lives flow on a river of time. And every choice we make is like traveling down a new, unique branch of that river. If you could see the fourth dimension, you could see the entirety of human history sprawled out like a river delta. Infinite lives and parallel universes coexisting. And now we’re about to step out of the river—onto a secret hidden island wedged between the currents of time!”

“Oooh!” say Dipper and Mabel.

“I memorized that quote from a movie,” says Blendin, beaming. “It was called StellarCeption, was forty-eight hours long, and was utterly incomprehensible. Very popular in time prison.”

Blendin pulls out a measured length of time tape and lets go.

TRAVEL TO THE TREASURE: GO HERE