The twins feel the familiar electric sensation as they dissolve into the time stream. But just before the time tape fully retracts, Blendin grabs it between his fingers, holding it. Suddenly, the whole group stops still in the middle of a glowing blue tunnel of energy and light. Clocks and calendars float past them. Mabel looks into the wall and sees various historical events happening, as if they’re on strips of film. Scenes from their summer play out before them. Dipper tries to cover a reel of him doing the Lamby Lamby Dance.

“We’re in the middle of the time stream!” says Blendin, looking around. “Hopefully in the right place…Aha!” he says, pointing over the twins’ shoulders.

There, in the middle of the Wall of Time, is a round door with a skull and crossbones painted on it and an ancient keyhole in the middle. Blendin produces the Time Key, inserts it into the hole, and turns.

Dipper and Mabel hold their breath.

CLICK!

The door swings open.

On the other side, in stark contrast to the rushing time surge they’re standing in, is a serene tropical island. They all step through the door and fall into the sand.

“Ah, jeez, why?” says Mabel as she pulls a giant crab out of her hair.

They turn around and look up at the magical doorway floating six feet above the sand.

“Welcome to Time Island!” says Blendin. “Just have to mark the location so I don’t lose it.” He presses a button on his wrist locator, which beeps. “There. Now, somewhere here is a hyper-X, under which is the legendary Time Pirates’ Treasure!”

“Oooh,” says Mabel. “What’s a hyper-X look like?”

“Is that it?” asks Dipper, pointing to a glowing, constantly morphing X that looks like it exists in more than one dimension.

“It is!” yells Blendin with a smile as he grabs a shovel and skips toward it.

“This is the end of all our troubles! Anything we desire!” he shouts.

“Infinite sweaters!” exclaims Mabel.

“My own observatory! And beard implants!” says Dipper.

Blendin lifts the shovel above the sand.

A noise breaks through the air. It sounds like…ticking. First it’s soft; then it grows louder. Then there’s a gong like a grandfather clock and, suddenly—

BLAST!

The entire beach is lit up by a neon-green explosion behind them.

A gruff voice calls out, “TIME’S UP, MATEY!”

They spin around to see something coming out of a giant green time portal: it’s a massive hovering Spanish galleon filled with a motley band of dastardly Time Pirates, with all manners of clocks and gears sticking out of their beards. One rides a T. rex.

“Time Pirates?” yells Mabel.

“THAT BE US!” bellows the captain. “Behold my dastardly crew! Meet Long Time Silver, Scurvy Stopwatch Sam, Tony Tick-Tock, Green Gears, Calico Shorthand, Calico Longhand, Calico Secondhand, and Big Ben!”

“Yarrrrrrghhh,” snarl the pirates, raising their clocksabers and leaping from the ship onto the sand as the captain looks on from the ship.

Big Ben smiles and chimes like a clock.

“And I’m the one they call Time Beard,” says the captain, gesturing to the many clocks tangled in his beard. “But you already know that, don’t you, Blendin Blandin?” He hops into the sand.

“Wait, they know you? What’s going on here?” asks Mabel.

Blendin blushes. Then he approaches the crew. He pulls up his sleeve, revealing a tattoo of the Time Pirates’ insignia.

Dipper and Mabel gasp.

“C-C-Captain Time Beard!” says Blendin. “I’ve done as you asked. I searched through time and space to find the treasure buried by your previous captain, Grandfather Clock George. And I’ll turn it over, just as we agreed!”

“What?” yell Dipper and Mabel in unison.

“You were working for the Time Pirates the whole time?” shouts Dipper.

“What about our cut of the treasure?” asks Mabel.

“HAR, HAR, HAR!” bellows Time Beard. A cuckoo pops out of a wooden clock below his mouth. “Let me tell you something, lass.” He pushes the cuckoo back in and leans toward Mabel. “Your ‘friend’ here is the dumbest, most pathetic, worst time traveler in history. Naturally, he thought he could get respect if he joined up with the Time Pirates. So we told him the only way to prove his worth would be to find our lost treasure for us. And you fools helped him lead us right to it!”

“Hold on,” says Dipper, turning to Blendin. “So you were just using us the whole time?”

“I’m s-sorry!” stammers Blendin, looking at Dipper and Mabel. “I’m just so tired of my mom calling me a loser. Everyone knows Time Pirates are cool. But their selection process is very unfair and difficult and doesn’t account for people with my body type! I had to try something desperate!”

“Like lying to us?” asks Mabel.

“Look, I’m really sorry,” says Blendin. “Once I started the lie, it was hard to stop. I really had fun adventuring with you guys, though. I’ll make sure the Time Pirates never rob you, honest!”

“Ho, ho, ho, kids, you’ve been plumb gullivered by this lunatic!” says Time Beard. “But the joke’s on the lot of ye, because we would never, ever, in any time line let Blendin Blandin join our crew!”

“What?” screams Blendin. “But I went through all this work! And that tattoo really hurt!”

“You needed help from children to find the treasure! You’re an embarrassment to the Time Pirates’ Time Code of Time Conduct! But we’ll be taking that treasure, thank you kindly,” says Time Beard.

“How does it feel to be double-crossed?” asks Dipper, folding his arms.

Blendin holds his head in his hands. “Awww, jeez! I really Blendin-ed this up!”

Time Beard barks out a laugh. “Now, I imagine you children had a fun day of pirating and adventuring, but I recommend you go home and leave us this salty time dog so we can make him walk the time plank.”

“All right,” says Dipper.

“Wait, Dipper!” says Mabel. “I know Blendin’s betrayed us, but he’s still our friend! Kind of. Think of all the adventures we went on together!”

“Mabel, these Time Pirates are pretty scary and they’re giving us a chance to save our own lives. That’s a pretty good deal.”

“Pfff, scary! That hasn’t stopped us before!” says Mabel. “All day we’ve been taking on challenges and fighting enemies we thought impossible, and look how far we’ve come. What’s a couple of pirates to a pair of time adventurers like us? We just have to make the right choice!”

Dipper thinks about it. “I dunno. The time plank sounds pretty awful.”

Blendin gives the twins a pleading look. “I never meant to get you kids caught up in this!” he says. “Please, I know I don’t deserve a second chance, but you’re the only friends I’ve ever had! You’ve made so many right choices to get us here. Just make one more!”

FIGHT THE TIME PIRATES: GO HERE LEAVE BLENDIN BEHIND: GO HERE