“That knight is going down!” says Dipper. “For the honor of the kingdom!”

“And to get that sweet treasure!” whispers Blendin.

Dipper elbows him in the gut.

The king twiddles his fingers and grins. “Oh, goody-good-good, I was hoping you would choose this task!” he says. “Come. Follow me. You must meet him!”

Dipper, Mabel, and Blendin follow the king down dim, stony hallways. The knights follow behind them, prodding at their heels with long spears.

Mabel whispers to Dipper. “Pssst. Are you sure about this? You don’t usually handle competitions well….”

“Come on, Mabel,” says Dipper. “We’re in medieval England. If worse comes to worst, I can just dazzle this guy with our future technology, like calculators and shoelaces. Then we’ll just find the Time Key and run! Hopefully the king will tell us about it after we complete his task.”

They round a corner and step out onto a carved stone balcony overlooking a courtyard. Below, knights and squires practice their swordsmanship. Each has his head down and walks hunched over, except for one beefy knight standing in the center with his chest out and chin up, smiling and screaming. The king motions toward him.

“THIS IS MY HOUSE! Come at thee! Come at thee, bro!” says the knight. “Look at this armor! Do you know how much this armor cost?” The knight shoves a squire’s face into his silver breastplate.

“Well, I can see why you don’t want him around,” Dipper tells the king.

The king clears his throat. “Ahem. Sir Swollsley!” he calls to the knight. “There’s another suitor here to challenge you for the fair maiden’s hand!”

“Send down the suitor, bro,” yells Swollsley. “Let me vanquish him so I can marry down with your sweet, sweet daughter and get all up in that kingdom. Verily, bro.”

“Yes, yes, I’ll send him down,” says the king. He flashes a false smile to the knight before whispering to Dipper, “You better win this, boy.”

“Now a contestant must decide betwixt two challenges,” says the knight. “One of wits, such as chess, and one of brute strength, such as jousting. Tell me, kid, which do you choose?”

PLAY HIM IN CHESS: GO HERE JOUST AGAINST HIM: GO HERE