It’s another usually unusual day in Gravity Falls! The green grass rustles in a breeze; the sun shines down through the trees; and a pair of familiar twins strolls through the forest. As usual, they’re in the middle of an argument.

“It doesn’t matter,” says Dipper Pines. “Just pick one already!”

“Yes, it DOES matter,” says Mabel Pines, holding two sweaters in her hands. “The sweater I wear has to match the day perfectly! It’s sunny, so I feel like wearing my ‘Puppy with Shades’ sweater. But I’ve also got a really good feeling about this ‘Glittering Yarn Ball’ sweater.”

“Little choices like this aren’t important,” says Dipper. “That’s why I wear the same outfit every day, so I can focus on BIG choices.”

“And everyone else can focus on trying to ignore how bad you smell!” laughs Mabel. After pondering seriously, she finally puts on the yarn ball sweater, tossing the other aside. “I think I’m gonna go with ‘Yarn Ball’ today,” she says. “I wore a dog sweater yesterday and I don’t want people to think I’m getting predictable.”

Dipper throws an arm out and stops Mabel in her tracks. “Do you hear that?” he asks.

Mabel looks around. “Is it the sound of fashion lovers everywhere applauding my sweater decision?”

Dipper frowns. “It sounds like…digging.” He leads Mabel up a mossy hill. They peer over it just as…

SMACK!

“Aw, time-dangit!” says a portly man in a gray jumpsuit and goggles who just smacked himself in the face with his shovel. He stands in the middle of a clearing, surrounded by nearly a hundred shallow holes.

“Blendin Blandin!” shouts Mabel, beaming.

“Who goes there!” Blendin shrieks, wielding his shovel like a sword. “I have various futuristic weapons and I will attempt to figure out how to use them if you get closer!” he shouts.

Dipper and Mabel laugh and slide down the hill.

“Hey, buddy. How are you?” says Dipper.

“How’s the new hair working out?” asks Mabel.

“YOU TWO!” says Blendin. “I should have known. I’ll have you know my business is personal!”

“Sure are a lot of holes here,” says Dipper.

“Hundreds of holes,” says Mabel.

“What’s with the holes?” asks Dipper.

“Are you looking for gophers?” asks Mabel. “Because that’s adorable and we want in!”

Blendin blots his brow. “What I’m doing is a secret!” he says, scowling before accidentally hitting himself in the face with the shovel again. He grumbles and breaks his shovel over his knee. “Fine, I’ll tell you, but only because I need help! I’m looking for a buried treasure hidden by a madman. This treasure is so large and powerful that the kindest of souls have made ghosts of their enemies to get it!”

“Is the treasure friendship?” asks Mabel.

“No, it isn’t friendship!” screams Blendin. “I’m talking about the legendary TIME PIRATES’ TREASURE!”

“Ooooooooooh,” says Mabel.

“It’s the greatest treasure ever known, because it’s EVERY great treasure ever known. The Time Pirates are a group of rogue Time Anomaly Enforcement Agents who travel through history and steal the world’s most famous treasures. The Holy Grail! The Philosopher’s Stone! Abraham Lincoln’s pet dodo! And they dress like pirates because…it looks cool!”

“That’s debatable,” says Dipper.

“Hey! They’re the most feared and respected group of rapscallions to ever exist!” says Blendin. “And I’ve found a way to steal their most precious possessions!”

“Stealing from bloodthirsty pirates seems kind of dangerous,” Dipper says. “I thought you hated danger. And doing things.”

“Look,” sighs Blendin. “I don’t know if you know this, but my life isn’t exactly great. Even though you got me my old job back, I live with my mom, my coworkers still make fun of me, and I’m so stressed my new hair keeps falling out.” Blendin pulls out a clump of hair and scatters it to the winds. “If I could take even one-quarter of that treasure, I could finally get the respect I need. But I can’t do it alone, if you haven’t noticed.” Blendin motions to the field of holes. “So what do you say? Help me thieve from these thieves?”

“I dunno,” says Dipper. “We were going to watch TV all day.”

“Or read a book,” says Mabel. “I heard someone on TV say that they still make books.”

“We could split the treasure three ways!” says Blendin, smiling. “That’s more than a million dollars each!”

“But isn’t time travel super dangerous?” asks Dipper. “What if I step on a twig and create a future where everyone turns into lizard people?”

“The lizard people scenario happens only forty percent of the time,” says Blendin. “And they’re usually pretty nice. Plus, I brought some laser blasters to keep us safe! Look!” Blendin whips out one of the strange time-travel weapons and fires it into the forest. They hear what sounds like Toby Determined screaming in the distance. “See?” Blendin says. “Works like a charm!”

Dipper and Mabel look at each other, nod, and huddle up.

“Mabel, a lot of treasure could be cool,” Dipper whispers.

“Yeah! I could use it to buy Moon Shoes or gild Waddles in solid gold!” says Mabel.

“And I could build my own laboratory to study the weirdness of Gravity Falls! And possibly get a few hundred pairs of the exact same outfit to wear!” Dipper glances up at Blendin, who’s watching them from a distance, then back at Mabel. “So what do we do, Mabel? Should we help Blendin out?”

Reader, what should Dipper and Mabel do?

DECLINE BLENDIN’S OFFER: GO HERE GO AFTER THE TREASURE: GO HERE