“I’ll do it!” says Dipper. “I’ll marry your daughter!”

Mabel gasps and pulls him and Blendin aside. “Dipper, what are you doing? This is love you’re toying with.”

“Don’t worry,” says Dipper. “It’s just a formality. I say yes, maybe he’ll give us the key, and then we can run away before they complete the ceremony. Trust me. There’s nothing that could actually make me go through with thi—”

“WENDINELLA!” shouts the king. “Come meet your husband!”

With the heralding of trumpets, a tall, freckled redhead steps into the courtyard.

“’Sup, dude?” says Wendinella.

Dipper’s jaw drops. “Wendy?” he says.

“Wendinella, speak appropriately, please,” says the king. “Your choice of words confuses my ear!” He leans toward Dipper, Mabel, and Blendin. “Teenagers, amiright?”

Blendin nods.

Wendinella rolls her eyes. “So are you, like, my husband? Let’s get on with this, dude. I can’t wait to get out of this town!”

“Out of this town?” asks Dipper.

“Yeah, don’t you know? After the ceremony, we’re given our own castle and kingdom and whatever. We even get serfs! I’m gonna make ’em form human pyramids and arm wrestle for my amusement.”

“That sounds amazing,” mutters Dipper, wide-eyed and smiling.

The king steps down from his balcony throne and approaches Dipper. “Well, considering you’re about to be my kin, I suppose I might as well give you this.” He hands Dipper the Time Key that they’ve been searching for.

Mabel’s and Blendin’s eyes go wide.

Dipper looks at them, then back at Wendinella, who’s staring lovingly at him.

Mabel holds up the time tape, as if to suggest they should take this opportunity and run.

Dipper gulps.

“Oh, no,” says Mabel as she pulls Dipper in for a huddle. “You’re actually thinking about going through with it, aren’t you?”

“Mabel. This is everything I’ve ever wanted. This princess is basically Wendy. I’d have my own land. I’d be able to study alchemy and dragons with the girl of my dreams!”

“Yeah, in the Middle Ages! There aren’t even dentists!” says Mabel.

“I hate dentists!” says Dipper.

The king coughs. “Ahem, the marriage ceremony?”

Dipper looks at Wendinella, who seems like a dream.

“It’s your life, Dipper, but I would strongly recommend not staying here,” says Mabel.

Dipper thinks about it.

GO THROUGH WITH THE MARRIAGE: GO HERE WALK AWAY FROM THE ALTAR: GO HERE