“DRAGONS!” says Dipper, pulling Journal 3 from his vest. “I’ve uncovered some of their bones back in Gravity Falls, but I’ve never been able to see one live. This is the opportunity of a lifetime!”

“Aren’t dragons basically just talking dinosaurs?” asks Mabel.

“The science is still out on that,” says Dipper.

“Veeeeryyyy good!” squeals the king. “Sir Suitsly, equip them with armor!”

A bespectacled old tailor hobbles out, measures the trio, and then claps his hands, summoning two squires, who secure armor on the twins and Blendin. With expert hands, the tailor carves customized symbols onto their breastplates.

“Mine is an hourglass!” says Blendin. “It’s perfect!”

“And mine is a shooting star!” says Mabel.

“Hey, mine is a pine tree!” says Dipper.

“Don’t get too excited,” says the king. “These are only to make it easier to identify your bodies after you’ve been killed.”

Blendin frowns.

“Squire, present them with the dragon flute!” says the king.

A squire boy prances out with a wooden box and opens it. Inside is a wooden fife with a dragon carved on it.

“This is a dragon flute,” says the king. “Playing a note from it will lull any dragon to sleep!”

“If it’s that easy, why haven’t you used it yourself?” asks Dipper.

“Because I have no idea if it actually works!” says the king. “You think I’m actually dumb enough to risk my life trying it?”

He cackles as a squire hands them their swords.

Dipper hands one to Mabel and one to Blendin.

“And here’s a map of the dragon’s den,” says the king, handing Dipper a scroll of parchment. “Now, now, I’ll tell you all about that pirate person you speak of and his key only after you’ve returned. Off you go! Tee-hee!”

A cadre of knights escorts the trio out of the castle.

“The dragon’s that way,” grumbles a knight, pointing off into the hills beyond the village. “Good luck.” He hands them a torch, laughs, and slams the castle doors behind them.

“Well, it looks like it’s quest time!” says Dipper.

Mabel grabs a lute from a plague-ridden peasant lying facedown in the mud. As they make their way to the forest, she begins to sing:

“Someone take that thing away from her,” grumbles Dipper.

Thirteen verses later, the trio has traveled over glen and dale and reaches the den of the dragon.

“With her glittery sword, she defeated the beast! And then married thirteen hot princes at least!” sings Mabel.

“Shhh!” whispers Dipper, sweeping his torch in front of him.

Human bones are strewn around the dark cavern, and sharp craggy stalactites hang like crooked teeth at the threshold. From inside comes the thunderous echo of the dragon’s breathing. It shakes the earth beneath the gang’s feet.

“All right, we just need to sneak in and play this dragon flute,” says Dipper. “Hopefully we can lull it to sleep before it incinerates us, and then steal back the king’s favorite goblet. Plus, I might take a few scales back home to brag to Soos.”

“Who needs dragon scales when we’ll have a whole treasure to bring back?” says Mabel.

“Uhhh, is everyone else s-super cool with this p-plan?” stammers Blendin, his armor clanking as his knees tremble and knock together. “The crushed skulls and rib cages around the cave are giving me sort of an iffy vibe.”

Dipper looks at the king’s map. “Well, according to this map, there’s an alternate cliff we could take to a back entrance to the cave,” he says, gesturing to a thin, crumbling precipice precariously wrapping around the mountain high in the air.

Blendin gulps. “Oh, man, things are getting iffier and iffier.”

“Hey, the choice is yours,” says Dipper. “You wanna take the dangerous cliff and sneak up from the back? Or burst in the front and hope this dragon flute works?”

Blendin grunts. “I hate making decisions.”

Luckily, reader, he has you to make the decision for him.

CONFRONT THE DRAGON WITH THE FLUTE: GO HERE SNEAK UP ON THE DRAGON FROM THE BACK: GO HERE